1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
