why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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