i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
