she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You took a bar mat shot.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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