if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
