You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
