I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
