I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
