evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
