The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
