just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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