guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
