i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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