that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
40s are totally the cure
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
