just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
