I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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