just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
