I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
