you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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