The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
