I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
