Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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