Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
