i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm passing your future prison.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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