maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
