WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
