im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
