So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
