The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
