she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
