He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
