i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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