Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
