I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
