i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
