he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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