Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
