Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
