Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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