If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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