you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
