My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
