You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
