I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
