I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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