I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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