I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
