the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
