halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
