Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
