i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
This is the prime rib incident all over again
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i think my cat just said my name.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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